I confess, I fall easily into the trap of wanting to know more from those above me. You made this clear what I was doing during our weekly men’s meetings at Starbucks. I appreciated you calling me on this as it let me learn more from those around me. Your early suttle ways of deflecting the questions to the other men were not noticed by myself at all.

In my new church’s men’s group the pastor often participates in the table discussions. With this knowledge I try to ask other members instead of just asking the pastor. Often, I purposely do not sit as his table so I can reach out to the other men. In the end has let me get to know them better. The table members interacts more with eachother.

I much appreciate our time we spent in Oregon as part of EPCA. However, employment takes me elsewhere and I tresure that time with the church as a whole.

In Christ
Chad

I think you hit the nail on the head with this point “Everyone tries to be friends with the leader, to be intimate with him rather than taking his lead of friendship and duplicating member to member.” In the world we live in the mantra seems to be “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know”. In every aspect of life people are trying to cozy up to the “leader” because often times it tends to create better opportunities for them. I imagine that this same mentality is taken by the congregation in a church (even if subliminally), maybe with the intent that a better relationship with the pastor means a better relationship with our Saviour. How many congregational members of a church that keep a distance with the rest of the members but try to maintain a friendship with the pastor maintain a close walk with Christ at home during the week? Pastoral friendship seems a natural extension of Christ’s love of the church, and likewise the congregations friendship with others. I assume that a healthy church would see that and then exude the same amongst each other and then within their own community, looking for opportunities to befriend everyone around them with the love of Christ. Having known you much earlier in my life, I can surmise that no matter the distresses of friendship, you are a beacon of light and people are drawn to you. In my experiences it is due to the love of Christ that is in you, shining outwardly. Genuine light is hard to dislike. I would say that rather than be congenial about someone moving to another church, challenge them about why they are leaving. If they are leaving because they have friends that are at the mega church, or like the singing at the other church then they should be challenged. If they are leaving because of a disagreement then that should be addressed so that the flock can be kept healthy. A shepherd needs to ensure that his sheep don’t wander off to another area that portends to have greener grass, yet lies on the edge of a cliff. To me, moving to a mega church creates anonymity for the person which puts them on a slide towards death. Anonymity in my mind being the antithesis of friendship.

I hope we get a chance to catch up at GA this year. I have only been to one in the last three years. Maybe we can do a lunch, as we did in Pittsburgh. Take care my friend and may God bless your ministry.

Thank you for touching so beautifully on this difficult toptic. I think it is important, though, for both pastors and church members to be aware of this tension that all pastors, and our families, have to live with. Some of the deepest pain and feeling of rejection can come when a friend departs.

Because of your post, some pastors who read this will know they are not alone when they go through this experience. And I hope church members will gain some understanding about the fears their pastor - and his wife - may have, and the baggage they may be carrying.

Thanks again.